All that could’ve been — but didn’t

hun
4 min readSep 7, 2020

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A short afterthought on a Pulitzer-winning novel by Anthony Doerr: All the Light We Cannot See (paperback, 2014)

Two opinions came up the most about this book, first are those who are impressed by the storytelling — with this I agree, I felt like being read a modern day Homer or something like a super long poem. The second one are those who highlights the time it consumed them to finish the book — I also agree, because this book made you feel time like a physical entity. Another unpopular opinion is about the short-story style chapters and the point-of-view switches.

it took me four years

I was in my second year of college when I bought the book (taking out huge chuck out of my tight purse). And being a south Asian native, I learn more about life and living in college — about thinking and making decisions outside of the comfortable and predictable grid parents provided. So I picked up a lot of books in my early high education days. Sadly, I must admit, back then I knew not how to wisely choose which books to read so I just pick up whatever caught my interest, finish them and then get another book if there’s still money to spare (later, many ended up in clearance sale). Anyway, I think it was precisely four years ago this book landed on my shelf and I have just finished second to last chapter a few weeks ago. The length of time it took me to finish was long, though the problem has nothing to do with the quality of the story or how it is written. It was mostly my English, so definitely not recommending this book if you hate going to the dictionary every now and then to check the meaning of ‘galvanized’ or ‘percolate’.

But I’m glad I pushed this book aside four years ago. College made me feel I aged an extra 10 years (whilst all the years from 0–15 felt like only a third of its actual span) and I think that’s exactly what someone need to understand the beauty of this book (also with good amount of word in your English word bank and this is imperative).

let the prose sink with time

There are readers who made it their mission to always finish the book in their hands before moving on to another. Do not do it with this book. Take your time.

Take all the time in the world to dive in to every lines, visualize every sensory descriptions, go back and forth hundreds of times to look up the meaning of words foreign to you while playing Claude Debussy’s Claire de Lune on repeat or when Werner was tuning in to it or when Marie-Laure was playing it to the transmitter.

Take all the time in the world to count the days with Marie-Laure or when she count the steps to the bakery. Imagine like you’re on board in Captain Nemo’s ship with her, damn, take your time page by page like Marie-Laure trace her fingers on the model of Saint Malo. Take. Your. Time. Because, if anything this book is all about time. And this is a real nice fucking break for a productivity-crazed distracted modern individual like me, and most of you, I believe, who had the privilege to afford this book’s physical copy (definitely not recommending reading on kindle or e-book. I tried it, crushed the experience. You just have to see it in print). The price of the book is not money at all, in the end I think. It’s how much time you’re willing to afford in your tightly squeezed twenty-four hours.

Verily this book will not be beautiful for everyone. Hurts my head like hell for its multiple unsuccessful attempts in following the story in the beginning and it also hurt my heart like hell in the end for its unpreparedness in dealing with such beauty. No, I’m not putting this book in such high regard. I’m too insignificant for it to mean anything. But, well, it is, for me.

For the record, I never continued to the last two chapters. It was April and I haven’t picked it up again since. The reason would be because I was devastated by the climax. I never demand happy endings from any story, but this one is just too heavy. Though, all in all, I am glad, extremely so, that in my crazy twenty’s I met this book. Placed a little believe in beauty somewhere in me.

5 stars

Post script:

I was too heartbroken to go on after Werner’s death and it has been a year since.

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hun

I write about books, art, and japanese stuffs | ②③